How to break up with someone

Breaking up with someone can be a mutual and calm agreement or can be unexpected, painful, and leave you heartbroken. Whether you are the one breaking up with someone or getting broken up with, there are right and wrong ways to approach this sensitive subject

How to break up - If you are the one initiating the break up. . .

Think First how to break up. Before approaching your partner with your wish to end the relationship, really put your reasons together and decide whether or not you truly feel a break up is what you really want. Think about what you will say and how you will say it.

 

Be Gentle. Breaking up is a very fragile issue to deal with because it involves a lot of emotions and attachment, so be gentle and sensitive when you talk to your partner about it. Do not start up an argument or point fingers. It is not your partner's fault that you are no longer interested and it is not your fault either. Sometimes people just grow apart and end up having too many differences; it takes two to get in and out of relationships. 

Take yourself Seriously. If you decide that you longer wish to continue the romantic relationship, then take it seriously. Do not obsess about what new romances your ex-partner may soon be involved in. Focus on yourself and move on. If you later feel you made the wrong decision, then talk it out with him or her then, but do not constantly wonder about it or harass him or her about who they are seeing now.

Friends? The two of can decided if you want to continue being friends. This all depends on the status of your relationships. If you were ending on bad terms, then it would be best if the two of you went your separate ways; at least for a while until you both have your feelings sorted out and feel better about what has happened.

If you are the one being broken up with. . .

Do not Panic. Try your very best not to go hysterical when your partner says he or she wants to break up. Before getting defensive and worked up, stay calm and listen to what is being said and what reasons are being given.

Ask and Speak up. When your partner is giving reasons of why they feel a break up is best, ask questions if you have any or feel confused about anything. Do not be afraid to ask anything. You have a right to fully understand everything that is being presented to you. Make comments about what is being said as well. By talking it out, you both will paint a clearer picture of what went wrong and why. If you speak up, you may be able explain something your partner may have misunderstood and took the wrong way.

Avoid Attacking with Anger. You may not like what is being said, but it will help or better the situation of you attack with anger. The only thing that will happen when you get defensive and angry, is worsen the break up and end it on a more painful term. If you feel that you cannot control your anger then tell your partner that you understand he or she wishes to break up, but you are not ready to talk about it at the present time. When you are ready to talk about it in a rational manner, then get together and share your thoughts.

Except and Respect the Break up. It could very well be that although your partner wanted to break up, you still feel you should be together. This is normal after growing an emotional attachment to someone. However, you must except and respect the fact that you are now broken up. This means giving your ex-partner the freedom and space they asked for. You may feel heartbroken and unable to move on, but begging or following your ex around will not bring the two of you back together, but risk the chance of the two of you being friends in the future (if you wish to). Focus on healing and moving on instead.

Healing and Moving On. . .

Ride out your Emotions. If you feel the need to cry, then do so. Crying will help you release the pain and realize the reality that you really are broken up, starting the healing process.

Talk about it. You should not have to go through this rough time alone. Talk to your friends and family about what happened and how you feel about it. Getting support and comforting is a big key to healing your wounds.

Seek Professional Advice. You may need more than crying and a hug to help you through this and feel the need to get an expert's opinion and advice. Talking to a counselor about your relationship and your pain will not only make you feel better, but will help you understand how and why things went wrong and how to prevent similar events from taking place in your next relationship. Plus, you can learn what things will help you heal greater and perhaps faster by discovering more about you and your pain.

If you need help getting through a break up, we are here for you! Just go to our experts for advice. Immediate Advice and you will receive a response from one of our counselors in 24 hours.

Scary story of day- 10.10.2011

The legend is that if you sit in three of the graveyard chairs from midnight until one minute after midnight, you will have the ability to see ghosts, but you will pay with your life. This, however did not apply to three high-school football players on Halloween Night in 1976. They pulled into the graveyard, in the middle of a large, open area. They had heard the legend and decided to try it, but one of them refused. He sat down and watched the other boys run from one chair to the other. Then he sensed that something was wrong. They were leaning over to the side with their eyes rolled back, rasping. The boy began frantically screaming for help as his friends kneeled over and grabbed his leg. It is said that the boy also saw spirits for an instant. The boys died and the survivor never spoke a word again. Of course, there were people mourning their loved ones nearby. They witnessed the event and filed a police report detailing what happened. No one really knows what those chairs are, except that they have been there since the town was founded.

Story Of The Day-Tuesday,October 4,2011

Here's one I heard on the radio from a woman who told her story about seeing a ghost, which is scary: A few years ago, the woman and her family had just moved to a new house somewhere in Melbourne, Victoria, Australia. One night, her baby son was crying so she got out of bed and went to see him. Suddenly, the baby stopped crying. The woman knew that he must have fallen asleep so she went back to bed. A few hours later, the baby cried again, so she got up and went over to check again. As she opened the door to her son's room, she saw a boy, about 6 or 7 years old, calming the baby down. When he saw the woman, he disappeared. The woman was shocked and later told her neighbours what happened. The neighbours already knew about the ghost and told her that there was a boy who died from an illness, about 80 years ago, and was buried under the exact place where her baby son's room is.

It's Time to Celebrate Halloween!

The current Halloween holiday comes from an old Celtic celebration called All Hallows Eve (translated to All Saints Day). During the festival they would bless and convert Pagans. We call it "Halloween" because "Hallow" means saints, and "-een" (originally e'en) means Evening. All Hallows Eve, get it?

We dress up honoring the Celtics, who would wear masks to scare away evil spirits and prevent demons from identifying them as humans.

We even bob for apples simply to honor a fruit god that the Celtics honored. Trick-or-treating represents how the spirits would visit Celtics' homes disguised as people in hopes of claiming a new soul. The treat part is for the feast after the whole fiasco was over.

Seasonal Balance: Autumn Health and Immunity Tips

Our health is affected by our environment, including the seasons. We must adapt our behavior to each season. In the autumn, we must take particular care to support our immune systems and avoid dryness and wind. More tips are included in the article.


Notice the leaves changing? A chill in the air?

Autumn is the time of maturity and harvest. The air becomes a bit crisper, and the leaves change. Everything slows down, and the days shorten. Yang turns toward yin. The wind can be a bit (or a lot) cooler. Make sure you've got a jacket with you and cover your neck to avoid colds and flu's - the wind has a way of overcoming the immune system.

Make sure you're eating well and your digestion is good, because that's the root of your immune system strength.

Dryness is a common problem in the autumn. It causes constipation, dry throat, dry skin, dry eyes, dry brittle hair, thirst, and prevents sweating. Spicy food makes it worse. Pear juice is a nice moistening solution for a dry Lung (Chinese medicine includes the nose, skin, and throat in its Lung organ-system).

Grief, the emotion of autumn, is quite appropriate in certain situations. In fact, the American Psychiatric Association has determined that 6 weeks of grief is appropriate and normal after the death of a loved one, or a great tragedy. But excessive or long-term grief can harm the Lung-system, and people with Metal-phase or Lung organ-system problems can be frequent criers.

But let's not forget a more positive form of grief, nostalgia, which can typify the 'autumn' of our lives. I know everyone has their own way of doing it- looking through old letters, and albums of photographs. The other day, I had on some Supertramp (70's rock), and the wave of nostalgia that hit me reminded me it was Autumn. You don't have to listen to 70's rock - choose your own. And I wouldn't advise staying in the nostalgic mood for too long (unless you like depression and fatigue), but a little bit of "retrospection" does the body and soul good.

Autumn Tips:

* Go to bed at sunset and arise at dawn
* Remain calm and peaceful, and avoid depression
* Rein in your desires and become focused
* Breathe deeply and smoothly
* Avoid smoking and excessive grief

The Consequences of Not Adapting to Autumn

* Immediately: Injury to the Lung and Immune System
* Later: In the winter, metabolic and digestive problems including diarrhea and undigested food

Joke Of The Day-Thursday,September 29,2011

After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama Bin Laden is still alive", Osama decided to personally send President Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was "still in the game".

Mr. Bush opened the letter, which contained a single line of "coded" message:

370HSSV-0773H

Mr. Bush was baffled, so he sent copies to his Chief of Staff, and several Secretaries, including Condi Rice and Donald Rumsfeld. Their assistants and aides had no clue as to the meaning or translation of the code, so it was sent to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, then to the CIA and also to NASA. With no clue to the translation, they eventually asked Israel's MOSAD for help.

Within a minute, MOSAD cabled the White House with this reply:

"Tell the President he is holding the message upside down."

---

Single and Sad - 5 Ways to Beat the Holiday Blues

If you're single and not in a romantic relationship, the holiday season can be lonely and depressing. But it doesn't have to be that way. By taking a few simple steps, you can find happiness and fulfillment instead of emotional stress. Here are five common sense ways to beat the holiday blues.

Get checked

Depression is one of life's most under-reported illnesses. You may think you feel down only because your needs are unmet, but it's very possible your sadness may come from a chemical imbalance in your body. See your doctor well before the holidays and tell her all your symptoms. New anti-depressant medications can make a world of difference. Don't fall for the myth that depression is something to be ashamed of. It's not. Also, be aware that medication may take two to three weeks to improve your well-being, so give it a chance to work.

Get real

All those joyous parties and family reunions you see on TV and in magazine ads? They're largely a fantasy, created to entertain and sell things. If your expectations for holiday fun are unrealistically high, you're bound to be disappointed. You'll enjoy the season much more if you don't expect every day to be a heartwarming, love-filled experience. Many people feel let down because their life doesn't measure up to somebody else's notion of what the holidays should be like. Be realistic. Dial down your expectations and you'll feel more relaxed and satisfied.

Get involved

It may sound like a cliche to say "It's better to give than to receive," but there is a lot of truth in that old saying. Instead of lamenting that you aren't in a relationship and aren't getting special presents from a romantic partner, see what you can do to brighten up someone else's life. Many charities need new toys for children. You'll get a terrific feeling as you shop for them and when you drop them off. Rather than sitting around moping about your disappointment, find an organization where you can volunteer. Getting your mind off yourself and onto helping others will do wonders to raise your spirits.

Get grateful

Often you can turn things around simply by counting your blessings. All of us can find things to be thankful for, if only a steady job and a decent place to live. Ultimately, your happiness during the holidays as well as the rest of the year depends on the attitude you choose--and it is a choice. Besides improving your own disposition, a positive, cheerful attitude will make you more attractive to the opposite sex! There's something intriguing about a person who is confident and upbeat. You'll get invited more places, have more friends, and find more opportunities if you're a positive person who's fun to be around. Some days you may have to force yourself to feel hopeful, but you'll soon find that it's so much more pleasurable than the alternative. Don't expect others to cheer you up. Overhaul your attitude and do it yourself.

Get determined

Sometimes you just have to get fed up enough to say, "That's it! I'm going to do whatever it takes to change things." If you don't want to spend any more holidays alone, get fired up enough to do something about it. Use an online dating service. Tell your matchmaking friends and relatives. Get out more to increase your chances of finding someone to date. Make it your top New Year's resolution to get into a fulfilling relationship. Stop waiting for life to happen to you and be proactive. Assertive people make things happen. If you set a goal and pour all your intelligence and creativity into it, life will suddenly get very exciting. Whether it's a romantic relationship or any other accomplishment, determination and perseverance will eventually make it come to pass.

Joke Of The Day-Tuesday,September 27,2011

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

How to get rid of acne !

Acne is a broad term covering blemishes, pimples, blackheads, and whiteheads. Even though acne is more known to be a problem amongst teenagers, who are experiencing puberty and experience oiler skin, this condition can strike at any age. While there are many preventative measures you can take to avoid acne, here's how to treat existing acne. 

Unclog your pores with salicylic acid. Acne begins to form when pores get clogged with a "plug" of keratin and sebum. Salicylic acid loosens the plug by softening the keratin (it's a keratolytic). Make sure you use sunblock simultaneously, however, because salicylic acid makes your skin more sensitive to UV light.

Kill the bacteria that aggravates acne. Bacteria naturally occurs on your skin and throughout your body; one such bacterium is Propionibacterium acnes, which is normally harmless. When your pores get clogged, however, more of these bacteria start to grow in there, producing chemicals that break down the wall of the pore and play a big role in the formation of what we recognize is a pimple.By wiping out these bacteria, you can also get rid of acne. Here are some ways to do that:

Use a gel, cream, or soap containing benzoyl peroxide twice a day. Benzoyl peroxide is a "bactericide" that's particularly effective against Propionibacterium acnes. The drawback is that it often irritates your skin, resulting in dryness and redness, so you should supplement this treatment with a non-comedogenic moisturizer. If your skin still gets irritated, use a product with a lower concentration. Also be careful when using it, as benzoyl peroxide bleaches fabric and hair.Look for products with triclosan or chlorhexidine gluconate, which also kill Propionibacterium acnes. They are less effective than benzoyl peroxide, but they are gentler on your skin.

Clove oil has also been shown to be effective against Propionibacterium acnes.

Look for treatments with sulfur and sodium sulfacetamide as their active ingredients. This combination (in concentrations of 5% and 10% respectively) has been shown to reduce acne with only mild side effects.While the exact way in which sulfur reduces acne is unknown, it is known to be a keratolytic, like salicylic acid.

Be consistent and patient. Most acne treatments take time to work. It usually takes between two and eight weeks before you see any significant improvement, so you are going to have to maintain a routine.

Acne medications may cause your skin to initially break out worse than before because all FDA-approved acne medications (benzoyl peroxide, salicylic acid, and sulfur) cause your skin to regenerate faster. This brings existing acne pimples already under your skin (but not visible yet) to the surface, which in turn causes a massive but fortunately temporary break out. Give the medications time to work and stick with them through this potentially discouraging phase.

If you're going to pop your pimples, learn how to pop them correctly. The reason you're not supposed to pop pimples is that anytime you deliberately break your skin, you risk creating a scar or infection through the break in the skin. If a pimple appears in a particularly bothersome place, learn how to target a single pimple. But if you're determined to pop, learn how to do so safely and properly

Consult a dermatologist. There are many effective treatments which are only available with a prescription, since the side effects can be harmful. For example, mild antibiotics can help reduce acne but its overuse (taking antibiotics when you really don't need them or for something they don't treat) and misuse (not taking medication for the specified amount of time) can lead to the development of antibiotic resistant bacteria (which translates into especially stubborn, untreatable acne).

Apply topical acne treatment. 

Apply crushed-up aspirin to your acne. Grind up aspirin tablets and add water to make a paste. Apply it to your acne spot, leave it on overnight, and wash it off in the morning.

Alternatively, applying lemon, lime and potato wedges to your acne spots may also improve your skin.

Use toothpaste as a last resort. Apply a small dab to the acne spot, leave it on overnight, and wash it off in the morning. Some toothpastes contain ingredients that help eliminate acne (e.g., menthol and alcohol), but others can actually irritate it further, so be careful before you attempt this method.

• Toothpaste can act as a mask, drawing impurities out of the skin. It may also dry the skin lightly as it does so, which can reduce the size of a pimple^.
• If you are susceptible to dry skin, don't use toothpaste. Menthol and alcohol can easily dry the skin too much, leading to further irritation of the face.
• Look for standard toothpastes that are not gels and contain minimal additives. Natural or organic toothpastes should be your best bet.

TIPS:

• While it's true that UV light can be effective against acne (particularly against bacteria) it is also effective in creating skin cancer and wrinkles! So don't use tanning as acne treatment (especially in combination with salicylic acid!). There is a form of phototherapy that is effective against acne without exposing your skin to UV rays.Ask your dermatologist about it.
• Also make sure to change your pillowcase every couple of days. Dirt, oil and germs stick to pillowcases just like they would to a paper towel. And since you spend a third of your day with your face on that fabric, you definitely want it to be clean.
• Wash your face after extensive sweating, after you wake up, and before going to bed. If medicated acne washes dry your out your skin, use water only.
• Avoid oil-based makeup and skin products. If you have acne on your back, wear breathable, loose fabrics.
• Try changing your diet and cutting out junk food, sugar, and white carbohydrates.
• Keep hair off your face.

Joke Of The Day-Monday,September 26,2011

Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, one of the muffins says:
"Man it's hot in here!!!!"
The other muffin exclaims,
"Look a talking muffin!!!!"

Pierciengs and tatoos :-s

Piercings and tattoos are body decorations that go back to ancient times. Body piercing involves making a hole in the skin so that you can insert jewelry. This is often in the earlobe, but can be in other parts of the body. Tattoos are designs on the skin made with needles and colored ink. Permanent makeup is a type of tattoo.
The health risks of piercings and tattoos include

• Allergic reactions
• Keloids, a type of scar that forms during healing
• Infections, such as hepatitis

To reduce the risks, make sure that the facility is clean, safe and has a good reputation. Proper sterilization of the equipment is important. Be sure to follow the instructions on caring for your skin.
Holes from piercing usually close up if you no longer wear the jewelry. It is possible to remove tattoos, but it's painful and can cause scarring.

How music affects your mood

The right song can calm, inspire or energize you. Learn how to use music to influence your mind and boost your mood.

Music is a powerful phenomenon that transcends language, culture, gender and age. It can slip into your mind and alter your mood -- for better or for worse -- with its harmony, rhythm, lyrics, melody, timbre and pitch. Together, these musical elements create an intense and profound emotional reaction.

"Music is auditory, emotional and motoric," writes renowned New York neurologist Dr. Oliver Sacks in his book Musicophilia (Knopf, 2007). "We keep time to it, involuntarily, even if we are not consciously attending to it and our faces and postures mirror the 'narrative' of the melody and the thoughts and feelings it provokes."

Michelle Lawrence, a music therapist with the Victoria Conservatory of Music (VCM) in British Columbia agrees. "Music affects us whether we know it or not. It is around us all the time. You have commercials, television, and music is specifically placed to create emotion, to make you feel something, to make you purchase something."

How music affects and afflicts your mood
Studies have shown that different types of music can have different effects on mood. Grunge rock, for instance, can increase hostility, tension and sadness. Country music can lead to depression. Classical has the power to uplift.

Musical group REM's song Shiny Happy People can energize with its quick tempo, lively beat and bright tonal colours; Mozart's Eine Kleine Nachtmusik can relax with its slow tempo, smooth flowing rhythms and even pulse. While music's tempo can directly affect your mood, music affects everyone in different ways.Get personal with music
"I firmly believe that personal preference has to play a role in it," says Dr. Johanne Brodeur, the head of music therapy at the VCM. "I'm not saying if you play hard rock music it's going to put you to sleep, but it doesn't have to be Bach or Handel. Just something you enjoy listening to that will be soothing to you."

Music has many goals, Brodeur points out, from promoting relaxation and strengthening self-esteem to managing anxiety and expanding your ability to express yourself. "The goals are endless. You just have to decide what's right for you."

Make music work for you
"We can use music to help a lot with our mood in a more powerful way than what people may be doing," says Lawrence. If you're feeling upset, for example, she suggests matching a piece of music to your mood, but then slowly adding in some happier songs.

You can also use music as a nighttime ritual to help you relax, or create a playlist that keeps you motivated during a long run. Of the latter, Dr. Costas Karageorghis, a sport psychologist at Brunel University in London and head of the Music in Sport Research Group, has found that some of the benefits of running with music include its positive effects on mood, its ability to make you feel more alert and its ability to distract from your task and thereby reduce your rate of perceived exertion, or how hard you feel you've worked.

Choose the right music for you
Although music is a personal choice, Brodeur invites you to open yourself up to something new -- and to react in whatever way you see fit. "Try new things just to realize the freedom it gives you, she explains. "If you want to sing, if you want to play, if you want to tap, that's OK. Let it go. Engage yourself in the music process."If you're looking for some new music or just a reminder of what's available, here are some artists to get you in the mood.

Music to inspire: When Marsha Moshinsky, an assistant negotiator at Indian and Northern Affairs in Toronto, needs a pick-me-up she turns to Mexican singer-songwriter Fernando Delgadillo. "His songs are often forward looking, about moving on, making effective change," she says. "It makes me want to go out there and do things for the better." Also try: Bob Marley, John Coltrane, Bach, Mahalia Jackson, Woody Guthrie.Music to relax to: When Catherine Wood, a radio announcer in St. Lazare, Que., needs some down time she looks to Norah Jones. "She has a beautiful voice and her songs are just so calming." Also try: Enya, Dido, Erik Satie, Chris Isaak, Vivaldi.

Music to energize you: For Karen Reppin, an ESL instructor in Vancouver, British blues artist Joan Armatrading is the singer she listens to after a long or difficult day. "What I like most is the composition, how the instruments mesh so well into a melody. When I feel drained of energy, she's a good one to turn to." Also try: Squirrel Nut Zippers, Black Eyed Peas, Mozart, Benny Goodman, Fela Kuti.

And don't forget about the power of silence. "Sometimes we need silence," says Brodeur. "We don't have to fill the space all the time. It's OK to not do anything, to just sit and reflect or go for a walk."

How to ignore pain and feelings

 

Learning to ignore pain and feelings will take a lot of work. You must have a strong desire and lots of patience to achieve this goal. You must have a way to keep yourself grounded, for you will be detaching yourself from many things around you.

Step 1

In your room, get your favorite shirt. Then, find a shirt that you don't like. Look at them. Tell yourself that they are both the same to you, because you don't care either way. There is no difference to you.

Tip

This may be easier with food, and many people have distinct preferences for what they like, and what they dislike.

Step 2

Use your mirror, and take a good look at yourself. Remind yourself that it makes no difference if you like your appearance or not. Smiles, along with frowns, are no longer a part of your repertoire. Don't inflict pain on yourself purposefully, but take advantage when you do feel pain. Tell yourself that it doesn't matter. Of course it will still sting, but with practice, you will learn to ignore it.

Step 3

Put a string or rubber band on your wrist. Use this as a device to remind you throughout the day that you have chosen to ignore your feelings and pain. You will need a constant reminder at first, but as you go along it will become easier. If you truly wish to ignore your feelings, then any feelings that you may have that the process is taking too long will be ignored. Remember, it no longer matters.

Fun fact

"To each his suff’rings; all are men, Condemn’d alike to groan,— The tender for another’s pain, Th’ unfeeling for his own. Yet ah! why should they know their fate, Since sorrow never comes too late, And happiness too swiftly flies? Thought would destroy their paradise. No more; where ignorance is bliss, ’T is folly to be wise." - Thomas Gray

Domestic violence and abuse

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of size, gender, or strength, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Emotional abuse is often minimized, yet it can leave deep and lasting scars.

Noticing and acknowledging the warning signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the following warning signs and descriptions of abuse, don’t hesitate to reach out. There is help available.

Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.

Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.

Domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate. It happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels. And while women are more commonly victimized, men are also abused—especially verbally and emotionally, although sometimes even physically as well. The bottom line is that abusive behavior is never acceptable, whether it’s coming from a man, a woman, a teenager, or an older adult. You deserve to feel valued, respected, and safe.

Recognizing abuse is the first step to getting help

Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to violence. And while physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy your self-worth, lead to anxiety and depression, and make you feel helpless and alone. No one should have to endure this kind of pain—and your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your situation is abusive. Once you acknowledge the reality of the abusive situation, then you can get the help you need.

Signs of an abusive relationship

There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most telling sign is fear of your partner. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner—constantly watching what you say and do in order to avoid a blow-up—chances are your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs that you may be in an abusive relationship include a partner who belittles you or tries to control you, and feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation.

To determine whether your relationship is abusive, answer the questions below. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you’re in an abusive relationship.

Taking care of your hair

We have about 100,000 hairs on our heads. Each hair shaft has three layers, with the cuticle, or outside layer, protecting the two inner layers.

Shiny hair is a sign of health because the layers of the cuticle lie flat and reflect light. When the scales of the cuticle lie flat they overlap tightly, so the inner layers are well protected from heat, sun, chlorine, and all the other hazards that can come from living in our environment. When hair is damaged, though, the scales may separate and hair can become dry. Because the scales on dry hair don't protect the inner two layers as well, hair can break and look dull.

The type of hair a person has — whether it's straight or curly — can also affect how shiny it is. Sebum, which is the natural oil on the hair, covers straight hair better than curly hair, which is why straight hair can appear shinier.

Depending how long a person's hair is or how fast it grows, the end of each hair shaft can be a couple of years old. So the hair at the end of the shaft could have survived a few summers of scorching sun and saltwater and winters of cold, dry air. How well you care for your hair from the time it emerges from the root plays a role in how healthy it looks.

Caring for Hair

How you take care of your hair depends on the type of hair you have, your lifestyle, and how you style your hair.

Your hair type. People with dry, curly hair have different hair care needs than people with straight, fine hair. But all hair needs to be treated gently, especially when it's wet. Wet hair can stretch, making it more vulnerable to breakage or cuticle damage. That's why using a hot blow-dryer (or other heat styling products) on very wet hair can damage it.

Some people find that their hair gets oily in their teen years. That's because the hair follicles contain sebaceous glands that make sebum, which moisturizes the hair and skin. During adolescence, the sebaceous glands may become overactive, producing more oil than needed. As with acne, oily hair is usually a temporary part of puberty.

Many teens care for oily hair by washing it once a day — or more if they're active. As long as you treat your hair gently when it's wet, frequent washing shouldn't harm it. If you have acne, it's a good idea to keep the hair around your face clean so hair oils don't clog your pores.

If you're washing your hair every day or more, it may be better to choose a mild shampoo instead of a shampoo designed for oily hair. For some people — especially people with fine, fragile, or combination hair (hair that's oily at the crown but dry on the ends) — shampoos for oily hair can be too harsh. If you have oily hair and want to use a conditioner, choose one that's made for oily hair.

If your hair is dry, it's a good idea to wash it less frequently. Some people only need to wash their hair once a week — and that's fine. Many people who have curly hair also have dry hair. Curly and dry hair types are usually more fragile than straight hair, so you'll need to be especially careful about using heat styling products. Shampoos made for dry hair and hair conditioners can help.

Your activity level and interests. Do you play sports or spend a lot of time at the beach? These kinds of things can affect your hair. For example, if you're an athlete with oily hair, you may want to wash your hair after working up a sweat during practice and games. But if you're a lifeguard or a swimmer, sun and saltwater (or the chlorine in pool water) can dry your hair out, no matter what your hair type. If you're exposed to sun, wind, or other elements, you may want to use a shampoo designed for dry hair or use a conditioner. It's also a good idea to wear a hat to protect your hair when you're outdoors.

Your hairstyle. Heat styling products like curling and straightening irons can dry out even oily hair if they're used too much. Follow the instructions carefully, and don't use them on wet hair or high settings, and give your hair a vacation from styling once in a while. Ask your hair stylist or dermatologist for advice on using heat styling products.

Chemical treatments can also harm hair if they're not used properly. If you decide you want a chemical treatment to color, straighten, or curl your hair, it's best to trust the job to professionals. Stylists who are trained in applying chemicals to hair will be able to evaluate your hair type and decide which chemicals will work best for you.

Here are some things to be aware of when getting chemical treatments:

• Relaxers. Relaxers (straighteners) work by breaking chemical bonds in curly hair. Relaxers containing lye can cause skin irritation and hair breakage. Although "no lye" relaxers may cause less irritation, both types of relaxers can cause problems if they are used in the wrong way (for example, if they're mixed incorrectly or left on the hair for too long). Scratching, brushing, or combing your hair right before a chemical relaxing treatment can increase these risks. And don't use relaxers — or any hair treatment — if your scalp is irritated.
  
  If you decide to keep straightening your hair, you'll need to wait at least 6 weeks before your next treatment to protect your hair. Relaxers can cause hair breakage when used over a period of time, even when they're used properly. Using blow-dryers, curling or straightening irons, or color on chemically relaxed hair can also increase the risk of damage.
• Perms. Perms take straight hair and make it curly. The risks are similar to those associated with relaxers.
• Color. There are two types of color: permanent (which means the color stays in your hair until it grows out) and semi-permanent (the color washes out after a while). Some semi-permanent coloring treatments, like henna, are fairly safe and easy to use at home. Some people get a condition called contact dermatitis (an allergic reaction with a rash) from henna and other "natural" products, so be sure to test a small area first.
  Other color treatments — especially permanent treatments — can cause hair loss, burning, redness, and irritation. A few types of coloring treatments can cause allergic reactions in certain people, and in rare cases these can be very serious. So talk to your stylist if you are worried that you may be sensitive to the products. Also, talk to your stylist about doing a patch test before using a product. And never use hair dyes on your eyelashes or eyebrows.

Regular haircuts are one of the best ways to help keep hair healthy. Even if you have long hair or you're trying to grow your hair, a haircut can help protect the ends of your hair from splitting and damage. In fact, cutting may actually help your hair grow better because it's healthy and not breaking off.

Dealing With Hair Problems

Here are some common hair problems — and tips on how to deal with them.

Dandruff

Dandruff — or flakes of dead skin — can be noticeable in a person's hair and on clothing. No one really knows what causes dandruff, although recent studies seem to show that it may be caused by a type of fungus.

Dandruff isn't contagious or dangerous. Over-the-counter shampoos containing salicylic acid, zinc, tars, or selenium sulfide can reduce dandruff flakes. When shampooing, massage your scalp (but don't scratch) for at least 5 minutes, loosening the flakes with your fingers. Rinse your hair well after washing. If your dandruff doesn't improve, see your doctor. He or she may prescribe a prescription shampoo and possibly a lotion or liquid to rub into your scalp.

Hair Breakage

Hair can break when points in the hair thicken or weaken. Sometimes this happens near the scalp so a person's hair never grows very long. When hairs break at the ends, they're called "split ends," and the splits can travel up the hair shaft.

A major cause of hair breakage is improper use of chemical hair treatments, like the treatments described above. But brushing or combing hair too frequently or in the wrong way (such as using a fine-toothed comb on very thick, curly hair or teasing hair) can lead to breakage. Hair extensions and braids can also cause breakage. Leaving them in too long or pulling them out without professional help can cause hair and scalp damage or even hair loss.

Sometimes hair breakage and dry, brittle hair are signs of a medical problem, such as hypothyroidism or an eating disorder. If your hair is breaking even though you don't treat it with chemicals or other styling products, see a doctor.

Hair Loss (Alopecia)

It's normal for everyone to lose some hair. In fact, we lose about 100 hairs each day as old hairs fall out and are replaced with new ones. With hair loss, though, hair thins at a rate that can't be replaced. When hair falls out and isn't replaced by new hair, a person can become bald or have bald patches. Hair loss can be temporary or permanent, depending on the cause. If changing your hairstyle or other treatment doesn't help, see a doctor. He or she may prescribe a drug to slow or stop hair loss and to help hair grow.

As with the rest of our bodies, hair is healthiest when we eat right, exercise, and protect it from too much sun.